I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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