if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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