In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize