How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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