I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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