she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
