I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
