are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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