if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
