Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
