Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
