I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
