she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
