I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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