from now on my penis is your penis
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
