a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
