He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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