I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
