Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
