Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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