I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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