i just google imaged poop.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
