So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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