What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
