Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
