Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
