I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
