He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
