but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
