I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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