"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
