how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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