Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk is not a location!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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