I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
