Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
