I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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