the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
