She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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