did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
