i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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