Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
