Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
