He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
