I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
