just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
