In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
