I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize