I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
