oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
