They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
