sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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