bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
