it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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