You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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