JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
