At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
