She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
