something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
