tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
