dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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