i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
