what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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