He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
