what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
