I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
