Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
