I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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