piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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