I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
