drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
