i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
