I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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