in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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