That's intense
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
