While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
