Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
