Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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