That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
