So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
