i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
