She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
