Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
