apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
