In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
