Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
