So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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