We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he thought i was a dude.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
