Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
