Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
