Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I died a long time ago.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
