tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I will be naked everywhere
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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