My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
