OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
