We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
