It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
