hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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