That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
