drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
