I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
