Yo dont text me then not text me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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