I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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