I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
