I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize